i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
