I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
