I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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