I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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