so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
