so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
