We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
