if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
