This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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