five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
