this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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