I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
