I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
