I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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