I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
