you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize