Screwed.edu
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
