how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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