I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
