I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize