Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
