apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize