And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She's the barista slut.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
