On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
