So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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