That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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