Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
