Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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