Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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