You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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