i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
