i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's never too late to be topless.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
