I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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