It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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