i permit you to call me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
