Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
