home. puking in laundry basket.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
