You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
