i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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