do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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