I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
