I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
