Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
