But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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