Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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