I wish I could teleport
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
