My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
