stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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