New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
