I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize