We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
