There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
