I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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