A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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