my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
