Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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