i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
