remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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