I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
