I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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