i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize