Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
