Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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