dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
