do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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