We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
