Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
