You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize