I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
