Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
