ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
