youre lurking in front of me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
