I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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