Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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