Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
