Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
