The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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