You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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