So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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