You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
