I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
