It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
