D3 body, D1 cock
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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