dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
